Today’s world is loud. Too loud, if you ask me. From the constant tugs from social media, advertisements everywhere we look, overwhelming demands on our time and attention, runaway thoughts, and more. (Note to self…write more about how noisy our world is.) That’s why it’s so important, now more than ever, to learn how to practice silence.
In those first few days after what I’ve affectionately dubbed my minimalism and simple living ground zero, I learned how to get quiet. It felt like a bunch of phooey at first. And those soundtracks in my mind were relentlessly loud. They yelled you don’t have time for this, being quiet isn’t productive, and you’re already quiet enough. But I shushed them and told them we’re trying something new. It was time to let go of one soundtrack and shift towards another, preferably one a little more upbeat.
I started practicing silence, which was terribly difficult at first. When my inner voice interrupted the quiet, I just couldn’t shut off my own thoughts. But with some consistency came clarity. And with clarity, I found myself truly connecting to my inner knowing, my capital S self. I found myself free of ego, social pressure, and expectations. It was magical, and eventually, it led me to start The Unload Project, where, bit by bit, I’m working on simplifying and decluttering my home and my life.
The Benefits Of Silence
There are people out there smarter than I who can explain all of the benefits of the practice of silence. Just one scan through PubMed articles show the many ways the power of silence can impact a person’s brain and emotions.
In general, silence can help with sensory processing, mental clarity, brain cell growth, stress reduction, concentration, improved decision-making, and more. For more details, I really liked this article about the benefits of silence and solitude from Piedmont Health and the body/mind perspective from Kripalu.
What I noticed after sticking with my silence practice was clarity with my next steps, both with how I wanted to live my life and the direction I wanted to take my career. I also found more peace about letting go of the things that didn’t align with my intentions. And most importantly, I found an overall sense of “I’m going to be okay.” Let’s chalk that one up to a decrease in anxious thoughts and an increase in my sense of self.
How To Practice Silence
And now for the good part, just how do you start a silence practice, and what are some of the tips to make it easier? Because let’s face it, when you’re mind is overstimulated and overburdened, being still and quiet is a difficult ask of it.
1. Schedule It
As a recovering type A, Enneagram 1, overachiever, if it’s not on the schedule, I will not do it. I’m working on shifting this mindset to living more in a state of flow, but this is a hard habit to transition. So for now, scheduling wins.
Find a time that works best for your schedule, one without many distractions and responsibilities, and a place that’s away from the constant noise. For some, that might look like the first thing in the morning, before the children awake and the daily chaos begins. For others, it might be during a lunch break in a quiet nook of a garden.
Wherever and whenever it is, write it down in your planner or put it in your digital calendar. And more importantly, HONOR IT! Treat this time block like you would a doctor’s appointment or business meeting. It’s important to keep promises to yourself. If you cancel on yourself, what kind of message does that send?
2. Pick A Quiet Spot
Someday, I strive to be the type of person who can sit at a noisy cafe and zone out into some quiet time. Or someone who can take a silent retreat inwards despite the external environment. But I’m a baby in the practice of silence and I take appropriate sized baby steps. That means ensuring the environment I’m quieting myself in is equally quiet. There’s enough noise inside my head that I don’t need external noise to compound it.
Maybe it’s a corner of your local library, or your bedroom while the kids are playing a quiet game together. Or maybe it’s an outdoor space. Find a space that works for you and your everyday life, just make it quiet. If your outside world is quiet, it will be easier for your inside world to be quiet.
3. Minimize Distractions
Going hand in hand with picking a quiet location, you’ll also want to find a spot that minimizes distractions, especially when you’re first starting. Maybe it’s a spot without a lot of people around. Most definitely make it a time and place where you’re not responsible for overseeing things (like active toddlers).
This also means removing distractions from electronics. Turn off the TV, silence your phone, and press pause on those work reminders dinging from your laptop. These simple suggestions will help you be present in the moment.
3. Make It Comfortable
Have you ever been in a lecture or meeting and your foot starts to itch, or your pants are digging in just a little too much? You want to scratch it or shift, maybe your thoughts wander to when you get home and can change into comfy pants. Oh the comforting pull of those ratty old sweat pants from the 90s. You’re distracted.
To help calm your inner world and focus on your silence practice, wear something comfortable and make your space cozy. If you’re uncomfortable sitting on the floor, cross-legged, trying to emulate the Dalai Lama, you will not be in the present moment. Find a comfortable spot and simplify your moments of stillness.
For me, this looks like yoga leggings (even though I don’t do yoga, I’m in it for the fashion), an oversized sweatshirt, and lying comfortably in my bed with my eyes closed. My bed is the comfiest spot in our home, and eyes closed is a must so I don’t see the dust bunnies in the corner, which distract me.
4. Start Small
Silent time does not mean an hour of silence. Take small steps and start really small. Maybe just five minutes or ten. As you build the quiet muscle, see if you can stretch it out a little bit. There is no such thing as the perfect amount of time for a silent practice. Some days may be hectic and call for a longer session to help bring the peace. Some days, just a few quiet moments are enough. Listen to your body as it often dictates what suits you best.
5. Make It A Daily Routine
Just like an apple a day keeps the doctor away, practicing silence every day…um…may not keep the doctor away, but it is the best way to improve your discipline of silence. Groundbreaking, I know. But the more you practice, the better you’ll get at it. And the better you get at it, the more benefits you shall reap. So channel your inner silence queen and practice silence every single day.
6. Extend The Duration
As you practice silence regularly, try extend the duration slowly. Stretch those five minutes into ten, ten minutes into fifteen, and keep working yourself up. Some people work up to an hour of silence. Today I say that’s impossible, but who knows. After practicing for a while, months or years, my attitude toward what duration is possible may change. Maybe next year me will look back at right now me and laugh.
7. Shift Your Routine For Your Season Of Life
This one is important, and I often forget about it when my season of life shifts. As daily life ebbs and shifts, so do your habits. I try not to cling too tightly to habits, as it never ends well. Something always comes up, ultimately shifting routines. For example, in the season of small children who nap, a mom can practice the power of silence during those golden hours of nap time. That changes once naps are dropped.
So try to stay fluid and, as life changes, find ways to shift habits like a silent practice so they fit your current lifestyle.
Yes, But What Do You Do During A Silence Practice?
Says all the doers out there, the disciples of the Home Depot, the fidget spinner addicts, and the chaos queens. This section is for you.
1. Focus On Your Breathing
Okay, I’m going to say it, the “M” word. It’s like in meditation. Focus on your breath. You’re breathing in, you’re breathing out, back in, then you realize you forgot to pick up milk at the grocery store, which was the one thing you went there for, but found so many good snacks on sale. Back to your breath. Breathing in, breathing…oh, a new idea for how to fix the sewing machine pops into your head. Back to breathing.
As your thoughts wander, try to bring them back to your breath. In and out. It’s hard, especially when you’re first getting started. And the silence will only last seconds at a time. But stick with it. Over time, it gets easier.
2. Permit Yourself To Jot Down Distracting Ideas
I know myself well enough that if a thought or to-do I had originally forgotten about pops into my head while I’m practicing silence, I cannot control my own thoughts enough to let go and trust I will remember it later. So I permit myself to write it down. It’s amazing how quickly that thought flies out of my head, releasing the rumination, as soon as I write it down. It’s okay to pause and write.
3. Do A Silent Activity
Sometimes a fidgeter must fidget, and a mind needs movement. Take your silence practice on the road for a little silent retreat walk in the woods. Or maybe it’s a quiet yoga practice. The goal is still complete silence and quieting the mind. As long as you can do the activity while quieting that inner voice, go for it.
My therapist recently told me about how beneficial mindful coloring can be. I broke out those markers and coloring books so fast after that. All it took was someone to tell me that practicing mindfulness while coloring is good for me, and it was all over. It’s my favorite mindful activity these days.
You’ll also find me going for a walk, always with the big, over-the-ear, noise-canceling headphones on. I don’t even play music half the time. I just like how they quiet the world, and it also gives chatty folks I pass the silent time nod.
4. Try To Quiet The Mind
Like with focusing on your breath, another idea is to quiet the mind, silence the inner critic, and turn the noise all the way down. Stay present in the moment, quieting both body and mind. Don’t start with this in the first place; work your way up. But when you get here, the results can be powerful.
Give Yourself Grace
Before I leave you to go forth and conquer your own personal silence practice, I leave you with these last words of wisdom. Give yourself grace. No one tackled a brand new skill overnight. It takes effort, mistakes, sessions where you feel you accomplished nothing, and it is a complete waste of time. Keep up the good work, because you’re doing it. You’re silencing the constant noise, you’re making space for you and what matters, and just the act of trying is success.
The first time I tried to practice silence, it was a disaster. The dog went nuts about a fox in the yard, then my phone started incessantly ringing, and turns out it was the school nurse (the kids are fine), and I couldn’t focus on more than one breath at a time without my mind wandering. Today, about three weeks in, I can lie in silence for a whopping 20 minutes. Some days I can calm the inner voice, often my critic, and stay in the present moment. Other days it’s a sh*t show. My overactive mind runneth amok. In the words of Sarah Sanderson, “amok, amok, amok.”
But I keep with it because in these moments, great mental clarity has presented itself. From finding inner peace on letting go of a big (and successful) part of my career that doesn’t serve me anymore, to coming up with a solution to a mental health challenge I was having, to just giving me the feeling that I am enough. That’s worth it right there.
So embrace the challenge, rein in that meandering mind, and keep on swimming.
Pssst…So tell me, did you try to practice silence? How did it go? Anything surprise you?! Do tell!
